Dog Mom: okay, I have to leave the room for five minutes. Chew toy for puppy? Check. Extra chew toy in case he’s bored with the first one? Check. The favorite stuffed animal he’s yet to destroy? Check. Food? Water? Check and Check. Okay…. tiptoe out while he’s playing with the chew toy.
FIVE MINUTES LATER…
Dog Mom enters the room to see not one, not two, but THREE disemboweled slippers on one side of the room, and the puppy sitting clear on the other side, staring out the window, whistling.
Bane: Oh, hey there! Hi! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. And also, that totally wasn’t me who touched those slippers you thought you locked in your closet and I have no clue how they got out and I AM SO CUTE WHEN I WAG MY WHOLE BODY, didja miss me?
You were gone for SO LONG.
Dog Mom: Really? You’re totally on camera this time.
Bane: That was my stunt double.
