The Puppy hightails it out of the kitchen and hunkers down behind me, his ears flat, his tail tucked between his legs.
Dog Mom: What did you do?
Puppy: (whispers) My Lady… there are BEASTS in there. They’re in the air! They. Can. MOVE.
Dog Mom: (looks into the kitchen) Oh! Those are called balloons. They’re not going to hurt you.
Puppy: They are evil.
Dog Mom: (tries to move only to have a 75 lb puppy attached to my calves) Look, they’re perfectly fine. They’re tied to these strings and they can’t get you.
Puppy: They want to eat me.
Dog Mom: You’re supposed to be ferocious, you know. You’re part German Shepherd and part Rottweiler.
Puppy: I can be ferocious.
Dog Mom: Um… name one time.
Puppy: That paper plate that tried to stare at me– I taught that thing a lesson. And that stuff in the bathroom… it won’t be bothering you again!
Dog Mom: What stuff…? (looks) Oh dear God. We have got to start kenneling you again… That was toilet paper.
Puppy: It was evil. I fixed it.
Dog Mom: Is that why you ate the canvas grocery bag the other day?
Puppy: It smelled funny. It was a threat.
Dog Mom: So loud noises, fast movement, floating balloons…
Puppy: I demand hazard pay.
Dog Mom: Hazard pay? You’ve got to be kidding. What on earth would I give you for hazard pay?
Puppy: That new blanket looks really delicious.
Dog Mom: You are never going to be an actual watchdog, are you?
Puppy: I will charm the bad guys with my good looks and winning personality.
Dog Mom: So, basically, you’ll hide in the closet ’til they’re gone like a big scaredy cat.
Puppy: Works for me.
