Iwalk into the room, and the dog flattens his ears and looks away guiltily, even though I haven’t even said a single solitary thing to him.
Dog Mom: What did you do?
Puppy: Um… nothin’.
Dog Mom: You totally did something.
Puppy: Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Meanwhile, I’m going to look so cute, you’re going to forget all about…
Dog Mom: YOU ATE THE BASEBOARD!
Puppy: It was delicious. I mean… no, of course not. Couldn’t have been me. I was over there, looking cute. Remember?
Dog Mom: Why on earth would you eat the baseboard?
Puppy: It was taunting me, okay? I cracked! I couldn’t help myself!
Dog Mom: I gave you chew toys!
Puppy: Yes, but according to my attorney, you set them down next to the baseboard, and since it was in close proximity, any reasonable puppy would believe that the baseboard was included in the offerings.
Dog Mom: Your… attorney?
Puppy: (pushes forward his stuffed alligator) Meet Mr. Chompus. He’s quite smart.
Dog Mom: You were chewing his foot off yesterday.
Puppy: Smart, but slow.
Dog Mom: I give up. I’m going to my office. No more baseboards. (walks away)
Puppy (to Mr. Chompus): She didn’t see the pillows yet.
Dog Mom: OHMYGOD, the PILLOWS.
Puppy: Oops. Time to hide.
